The Overnight Train to Serbia

“I think our train to Serbia is going to be really old” and that’s where the fun started.

As we passed all the other trains at the Budapest train station–trains that took romanticists to places like Vienna and Venice–we walked into the warm outer recesses of the night and there stood our princess: our dark, dirty rusty little princess, the kind of princess that makes a prince say: “you mean I slayed the dragon for that?” Yes, that was our train. On our honeymoon. That little beast was going to take us to Belgrade overnight. But this train ride, I wouldn’t trade for anyone else’s honeymoon. Remember, it’s not the sandy beaches and all-inclusive mai-tais that make a honeymoon. It’s the unique adventures with your partner that make the honeymoon.

Our bucktoothed, horse-faced princess to take us to a far far away land known as Belgrade. The Cabin

It wasn’t all bad. Our cabin was tiny with a bunk bed. I immediately called “tops!” in the dark (Ladies and gentlemen, getting married will never silence the four-year-old inside of you, especially on  your honeymoon. Share, you say? Puh-leaze). Our cabin was reminiscent of an internment train, complete with the wool blanket and non-working power outlets. Our nearest neighbors were Russians (this is important).

The cabin, where the only working feature is my bowels. The Umm … Goulash

Right around 9:30, I realized I really had to go.

“I have to go,” I said. My husband, ever the pragmatist, said: “I voided the bowels before, so I’m good.”

Well, that’s great and all, but that doesn’t stop my bladder from knocking at the door. Well, not knocking. More like kicking down the door. There were only two bathrooms in that last train cabin. I paced between the two. But, neither one was inviting. I have no problem going in a public restroom. But, one had no toilet paper and a broken door lock and the other looked like an army of people who just had bad goulash really really had to go like right now…If you catch my drift.

It was decision time. I had to pick one. So, I grabbed some tissue and marched off to the “cleaner” bathroom. But, remember those Russians? Apparently, they had marked this bathroom as their own. “You can’t use it!” they barked. Now, if this stunt was tried in our hometown of LA, Russian wouldn’t have gotten too far. But, I could barely understand these guys and maybe they had goulash’d this bathroom and were a wee embarrassed. So, I had no choice but to use the previous goulash’d bathroom.

The “Wakey Wakey” Police

We finally settled in and nodded off to the sounds of a slow-moving train, right around 12:30 am, our train slowed to a stop. There was a knock at the door. Hungarian customs came in and asked for our passport. That was our first stamp. The train moved on after some time and about an hour later, we stopped again. A waft of cigarette smoke came in and then a bang at the door: “wakey wakey! It’s the police!” We scrambled up out of a sleepy stupor and sure enough Serbian police, complete with a lit cigarette came in to stamp our passport.

Ok, so not as happy as the previous customs experience, but at least we knew we were in Serbia.

After about a half-hour of this, the train marched on again into the night.

Beograd Waits

It wasn’t until seven in the morning when we rolled into Belgrade. The events from the night before: my need to pee in a goulash toilet, Serbian police demanding that we wakey wakey (for some eggs and bakey) felt like they had just happened. But, hey, we were in Belgrade, the city with the modest hidden gems. It was time to see what this portion of our honeymoon adventure would hold.

This view is so stunning, we smiled the whole way to the train station. Now, It’s Your Turn

Remember: it’s cheap, so there’s a reason for that. But, if you buy them here, you don’t have to wait in line. Have your passport ready, so that when the police come banging on your door, you don’t have to waste your precious time or others’. Don’t wear white or anything you don’t want to get dirty…Unless you like that kind of thing. Do your business and your nightly cleansing routine before you hop on the train. If you want to use your phone, charge it before you go. Don’t call top bunk unless you have absolutely no fear about flying out the window. The window and bunk are literally right next to each other. Check for bedbugs…Unless you like that kind of thing.

Wakey Wakey! It’s time to share your favorite overnight memory. 
Like a horse-faced princess, you can’t help but get sucked in. Get more stories delivered to your inbox. Join us on our adventures! Go Nuts!
You can also follow this blog on Bloglovin and Facebook!