Before Vietnam, the only way I got to experience monkeys was at the neighborhood zoo. From afar, gorillas, orangatans, and those blue-butted baboons were very adorable. Even the monkey from Outbreak had a certain appeal about him…before we realized he was the cause for all those people getting sick.
From behind the smokescreen, monkeys are downright awesome. Nevermind the stories of monkeys flinging their feces at unknowing victims.
It wasn’t until Cat Ba National Park in Vietnam that I got a hard dose of reality that monkeys are actually little sociopaths.
Monkeys: they don’t know how to be friends.Cat Ba Park is an amazing natural area within Halong Bay. The actual island is home to many people, some of whom live on a floating village. At the time of the year we visited, a dense fog hung over all of the bay, which made the entire trip a little spooky.My husband and I were among the seven total people who were willing to wait out the fog. That meant we toured Halong Bay by ourselves, climbed up Cat Ba’s mountain by ourselves and visited that dreaded Monkey Island in one succinct little group.
On Monkey Island, our guide gave us explicit instructions to not feed the monkeys and to watch our stuff, as monkeys have also been known to be thieves (see why they’re sociopaths?). Of course, all I heard was “feed the monkeys and flail your iPhone around!”
I bought some peanuts, gave a handful to everyone in the group and we fed the monkeys. It was the most surreal moment. I was finally feeding the animals I had loved so much, the animals whom I mimicked on the monkey bars, the animals who I kind of smelled like when I reached puberty (puberty was a really hard time, guys).
Monkeys.
Such a gentleman. Or. is. he.There I was hanging out with a monkey, giving him peanuts in exchange for shaking his hand. Such a dapper monkey, I thought. And they haven’t even flung poo yet.
If I could’ve taken one home with me, name it “Broskie” and pet it like a puppy, I would have been happy for the rest of my life. I even beckoned one into my handbag with the promises of all the bananas and cute outfits from Gymboree his little heart could desire.
That is until, one of the members of our group went to feed a ginormous monkey specimen that could only be dubbed as “Big Mama” …and the monkey
BIT HER HAND.
Not just a nip, like the kind my dog does when I tug on his tail. It was an actual “guuuurl, I will bite your hand off ‘n still jack your peanuts!” kind of a bite. I guess the problem was that she pulled her hand away before Big Mama could take the peanuts and mama wasn’t too keen on that action (I’ve also been known to bite someone’s hand if they take my plate away before I’m finished. I mean, come on, don’t touch my food).
Needless to say, we were all a bit afraid of those little guys. What was a seemingly happy moment of feeding some primates went all wrong.
So, word to the wise, if they say don’t feed the monkeys, they really mean it.
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